What's the Plan?

Most major events in life require planning. We plan for the birth of a child.  We plan a wedding. We plan our business ventures. We even plan our vacations or how we are going to spend our time off. Why is it then, that we do not plan for the inevitable needs of our aging loved ones?

We know that it is human nature to avoid the issues that are too complicated, or seemingly unpleasant.  We know that change is inevitable and wrought with life-altering experiences.  Yet, we avoid “having the talk”, discussing the concerns that most of our aging parents have about the next chapter of their lives.

Many people avoid “having the talk”, because they feel it’s too personal, or because they think that it’s too sensitive to speak to their parents about, and the parents feel that it’s a burden on their family.The real burden is expecting the family to make difficult decisions in a difficult time, in crisis mode.

By putting a plan in place, it allows our parents to take control of their own quality of life and independence.  It allows them to make informed decisions about their own life and it opens the line of communication with family members about their needs and concerns. Being proactive and planning ahead makes the process much easier for everyone involved.

By planning ahead, we not only make the inevitable LIFE TRANSITIONS smoother, but we offer our loved ones the opportunity to share in the decision making with dignity and respect.

Are You in the Sandwich Generation?

  If you were born between 1945 and 1975 you are  probably, among the 20 million plus Americans, who are in some way involved with elder care.  The “Sandwich Generation” describes those who are sandwiched between the responsibilities of caring for their own children, while also caring for one or more aging parents, or other elderly family members.

For many in the boomer generation, the mentality was retire early, send the kids off to college, and, finally, have the chance to travel and enjoy life.  Instead, the demographic reality, is that many baby boomers are becoming Seniors and Sandwich Generationers at the same time.  Americans are living longer, and people are starting their families later. One out of every eight Americans, ages 40 to 60, is raising a child and caring for a parent at home.  On top of that, seven to 10 million Americans are caring for their aging parents from a long distance away. It's not easy to become elderly or a parent to your parent(s). After all, our society "says" adults should be able to take care of themselves. But, as more live well into their 80s and 90s and families are dispersed across the country, everyone is going to be involved somehow, some way, in elder care. 

The statistics say it all:

44% of Americans between the ages of 45 and 55 have 2 living parents and at least one child under 21.

2/3 or primary caregivers are women with 64% of caregivers employed full-time or part-time.

The average caregiver is age 46, female, married and working outside the home earning an annual income of $35,000 per year.

17% of family caregivers are providing 40 hours of care a week or more.

Nearly 66% of Americans under the age of 60, expect to have eldercare responsibilities in the next 10 years.

Add to that, economic uncertainty, and the many diverse elements in our changing society, and those “Golden Years” look a little tarnished.


If you’re already in your sixties, or nearly, and feeling the financial squeeze of the sandwich generation, there are still a few things you can do to lower your stress level and increase your peace of mind. You might consider working a little longer, trimming your expenses, and urging your kids to explore every option for college financial aid—especially merit grants or scholarships that neither of you will have to repay after they graduate.

If you’re in your forties or fifties, chances are you have more time to plan and make preparations before you find yourself caught in the sandwich generation. Regardless of your age, however, here are a few steps you can take that may help you manage the needs of your aging parents and adult children without getting squeezed by sandwich generation problems:

·         Preserve Your Assets—Don’t be a sandwich generation martyr by using your retirement savings to pay for your children’s college education or your parents’ long-term care. Your kids can take out student loans if necessary, and you should use your parents own assets to finance their care for as long as possible.

·         Plan Ahead—Keep the sandwich generation trend in mind when you’re projecting what kind of income you’ll need in retirement. Be sure to consider the possibility that you'll end up in the sandwich generation--one or more of your kids may need to come back home for awhile, raising your monthly costs or maybe delaying your plan to move to a smaller home. And if you have one or more parents still living, count on joining the sandwich generation as your parents may also need your financial help.

·         Assess the Situation Before Sandwich Generation Problems Arise—As early as possible, consider sandwich generation issues. Talk with your parents about their assets, how they want to live as they age, what kind of health care and lifesaving measures they do or don't want, and who should make legal and medical decisions for them if they are no longer able to handle their own affairs. This may be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation for you and your parents, but answering these questions while there is still time to plan ahead can help you both avoid a lot of sandwich generation problems.

• Get Insurance—Sandwich generation members need to plan for the future. Look into the viability of long-term care insurance for your parents and yourself. Whether it is right for you depends on several factors, including the cost of the coverage, how long you might need it, and what kind of benefits you want. If you or your parents eventually require nursing home care, however, long-term care insurance could help offset those asset-draining costs.
• Put Yourself First—Because you’re both a conscientious parent and a dutiful child, you may be tempted to put your own needs after those of your aging parents and adult children if you find yourself in a sandwich generation scenario. Don’t.

Finally, don't forget that being part of the sandwich generation and caring for others can be hard on your physical and emotional health as well as your financial well-being .Learn how you can take care of yourself while caring for others by attending support groups, and don’t try to do it all alone. Care managers can help relieve your burden by providing a number of services, as well as being a resource for Community-based services and programs that provide respite for caregivers. 

 

"You've Always Had It My Dear!"

I've always had a fascination with The Wizard of Oz. As a little girl, I used to get excited with the annual broadcasts for weeks in advance. Even as I got older and my own girls shared that excitement, and watched it over and over on video, loudly belting out every song, I sang along.
All that time, never reading anything more in to it, except that it was a beautiful story and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" tugged at my heartstrings. For years, I've worn a lapel pin of shiny Dorothy shoes, to remind me that "You've always had it, my dear!" And my business tag line became, "there's no place like home".
Then one day, I read somewhere that there was more to the story and it was loaded with metaphors of empowerment. My quest to find out more, lead me to the book by Jonathan Kromer "Dorothy's Oz Dream- A Guide to Enchantment and Empowerment".
The back cover of the book intrigued me, before I even opened a page.
"Welcome to Dorothy's Oz Dream, where your dreams can come true using simple, practical techniques and a bit of Oz magic...Discover yourself. Recover your dreams. Create your own rainbow of power in your life."
Wow! the introduction talks about how "Oz showcased strong women who had all they needed to walk their own paths and Dorothy's dream offers a practical path for coping with personal challenges".

The book lets you look at Oz from a very different perspective, but the lessons are priceless; from daring to dream to empowerment over fear, I realize now why this story was so much a part of me; "You already have it my dear" just "Follow the Yellow Brick Road"!

Are You Building Windmills?

Change happens!  Sure as the seasons change, day turns into night, change will happen. Nothing stays the same.
Everything in our life is about change. As children, we go from Kindergarten to Grade School, Grade School to High School, High School to College. We marry, move and have families of our own.  And repeat the process.  All the while, accepting, even expecting, the changes in our lives. We like everything to be neat and predictable. There is comfort in the status quo. 
And yet, when unexpected changes happen, we do everything we can to resist the changes. We're forced to let go of the familiar and thrust out of our comfort zones.
Sometimes, the change can be so sudden, so traumatic, that our own life looks different to us- unrecognizable. The devastation can be so far reaching that we don't look or feel the same as we did before.
Ultimately, how we deal with the change determines how we get through it. It's our resistance that sabotages our processing of the change. There are times, throughout some of life's most difficult challenges, that we must stop resisting and surrender to life's flow.  Change is thrust upon us and, like it or not, we are forced to concede.
Change moves us out of our comfort zone and allows us to experience new things. Most times this means saying goodbye to something, opening the door for something new.
Change can be a time of personal growth and happiness. We discover qualities in ourselves that we never knew we had. We develop strengths and talents and meet new people.
If you're spiritual, you may realize that through change, you're being taken through the steps to be the person you are supposed to be and learn to understand your true purpose in life.
The most important aspect in dealing with change is YOU. Your attitudes and coping resources determine how well you navigate the change.

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf". - by Zinn, Jon Kabat

You can build walls, or you can build windmills!

Happy New Year!

Of course I know it's the Fourth of July (almost)!
But for me, and Age in Place Management, it's the beginning of a new year in business. And, just like the New Year is a time of possibilities, hopes and wishes, that is what this new year is for us! I'm really excited about all the positive changes and opportunities that are taking place!
If you've been watching us grow, You've noticed that we are in TRANSITION -- Making changes in some areas of our business and adding new services based on what we have learned from helping our Seniors and their families as they deal with their own LIFE TRANSITIONS.
 These TRANSITIONS include so many areas of life from empty nest, divorce, retirement or career changes, as well as, dealing with an aging parent.  And, for most, many of these changes overlap, creating overwhelm and frustration. LIFE TRANSITIONS can be difficult, but, they also provide an opportunity to assess direction. They are a chance to grow and learn.
As we go through our own TRANSITION, we have had to remind ourselves of some advice that we offer our clients in their coaching sessions:
1) Keep some things consistent-- Maintain as much of a normal routine as possible.
2) Take one step at a time --- Don't change everything all at once.
3) Build a support system -- Don't try to do everything by yourself.
In business or in life, these are great rules to remember when dealing with any change.

So, as the New Year begins, some things will remain the same, new things will come to life and you'll be meeting our great support team, without whom, our TRANSITION would not be possible.

P.S. One of the changes you will notice, is a daily blog.  I knew my blog needed a boost, so I've decided to accept "The Ultimate Blog Challenge".  visit www.ultimateblogchallenge.com to learn more about it and to give your blog a boost.  Wish me luck!